she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
