do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
