to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
