But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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