Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
