Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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