i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
