dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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