Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
