Fuck appropriateness.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
