I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
