It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize