Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
