He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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