I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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