Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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