So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
