I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
