Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
