I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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