Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
