Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
