The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
