maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
