hotel room ftw
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The convent might be a nice break from real life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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