Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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