matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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