Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ladies don't puke and tell
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
