If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
