I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
