I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
time to smoke my breakfast
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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