he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
