Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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