I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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