i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
