Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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