i permit you to call me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
