can we get nightvision for the apartment?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
