i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
