Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
