he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
