On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
