Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
