Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
