wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
