it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
