She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize