I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
