I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
