Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
