If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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