I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
