Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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