honey bunches of taint.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
