either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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