Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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