dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
