Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
