A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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