I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize