there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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