i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i need to put some appletini on your dick
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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