i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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