Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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