Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
