My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize