You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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