Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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