My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
