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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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