You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
