He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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