Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
