Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
